I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
