Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We're too hungover to prance.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
