I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
