God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
