i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
