i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't put those talents on a resume
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
