Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
