you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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