Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
