It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
