A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
