Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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