dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
