The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
