He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
try to milk me bitch
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