when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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