Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I want is dick and wine.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
