i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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