i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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