of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
