I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it's like iHOP with fire
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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