I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
