In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
