Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
