I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
