you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
