If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
