you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
