hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
