we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
