The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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