Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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