I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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