I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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