The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
