I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
