Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
