i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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