i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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