I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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