Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
