If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
they need to just BURY HIM!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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