Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
