i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
