apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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