I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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