I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
