im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
