some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
