New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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