Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
