I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
