he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
